It was her twenty-third time watching the
video since he made it. However she never watched it from beginning to end
until the day he wasn't there. Each time she tried to finish she would laugh so
hard she had to turn it off in fear of losing her breath, but today she watched
every minute up to the last second. She giggled every time it got to that part
however when he smiled at her into the camera to tell her how he finally made
the video and good bye, hiding her face in fear someone could see the brightness
in her cheeks amongst her Carmel like complexion. She couldn’t tell whether her
heart was warm because she was happy, or warm because that was the last time
she would feel that warm hug of his in his words and she wanted to hold that
feeling forever. She sat there with her laptop in her lap, warming the tops of
her thighs letting it burn, while she looked above the screen staring at the
cat intensely as it slept on her backpack, lost in thought. The burning of her
thighs the only thing that she could feel anymore. She delves deeper into her thoughts only to remember
sweet moments that never happened between them; when he cuddled her to sleep,
kissed her when she was crying, and when they went on their first date out for
ice cream. Oh how sweet those moments were on the tip of her tongue, and aching
on the mind as she tried to avoid the bitter after taste between fantasy and
reality.
She shakes as if
waking up from a bad dream only to come back to her room and leave the cozy
depths of her mind that laid in such a faraway place however the only place she
was willing to go to anymore in her laziness and depression. Upon awakening to her bedroom,
she stares at the orange triangle at the bottom of her screen leaving her hands
in position over the sticky keyboard to type anything that was on her mind even
though at the moment she couldn’t think rationally enough to begin a sentence.
She let her mouse float her mouse over the button then she right clicking it
she felt the button shift beneath her finger and the sobs shift in her throat.
She closed her eyes only to remember happier moments but the tears still seeped
through. It feltas if the word sob was in her throat. each letter trying to escape s o b. the pain in her chest ached, eventually trying to be strong became just being honest. Her
eyes stung, only thinking to her 'this too shall pass', yet it trotted through
so slowly with spiked heavy boots. The piercing a bruises a reminder of how
much she screwed up. Eventually slumping over in her depression amongst the
piles of clothes she sat on her pedestal of a bed alone, thinking about how
much they should be In love right now.
