Commercial Family

some days when I think to myself looking at the ceiling huddled under my green covers with my fingers rubbing the head of my teddy bear almost as a genie lamp to close my eyes and dream about what it would be like if I had a family one of my own. Some days I dream about what my family is like. i dream about the commercial smiles they would put on for new comers and the arguments so bitter to us yet sweet to know the truth from people who care. I imagine we would all gather around and talks about who looks like who and our imperfections that make us the Klemmons/Jones/Clark/Randolph family. That in our family there would be that one cousin who no one in the family can stand but life isn’t the same without. i imagine their hugs would feel like the spark of a plug inserting itself into a warm socket and their kisses the smooth fabric of those silk red bows slipping between your fingers of a finished present. The exchange of 'i love yous' would be the soothing feel of bread to the homeless a finally resolved craving. But i can only imagine since my family's long gone. All i have left is my mom and my brother, they gave me hugs and kisses at one point in life when those sparks of plugs and sockets and silk red ribbons still existed for us. one night mom and i sat in the car outside of the dollar store talking about siblings in which i stopped and listen to her story of how her big brother, and four other cousins grew up together teasing the youngest. She smiled as she recalled the memory, the laugh lines so wary and worn barely even used anymore. They were the only signs of tears i have ever seen shed from mom but it was okay. i appreciated the painful effort she took to dig up the similarities of growing up to me about the people i had never met.