Shelved

Geez i let this guy stroll through my mind, never reaching his destination
he shows up in real time
with a look of desperation,
but says nothing just to confuse me,
i trace the steps we've created to what i thought was going to be us,
but turned into a struggle of words, a brawl of some sort,
finding the words to describe what we were,
as if human wasn't enough
each emotion that was strung in each memory,
felt more like our fractured limbs taped together more than anything,
And i still didn't know why all my tears could be traced to the lines of his hands,
as if it were a drain with my name etched on the ends to an ocean of letters never sent.
in my mind he was in the crammed spaces of the overlapping library,
sitting in the back with me on a ledge,
shelved,
beaten spineless,
torn,
our eyes were gazing left to right at beauty,
inhaling each word, each phrase, each curve and point in our essence of being.
Yet in actuality we were drowning in silent oceans,
 waves would pass of blank pages, pens poised i couldn't even write his name,
inked with a sickening passion too deep to find ingredients,
 it was a matter that couldn't be created or destroyed,in existence before words were formed.
but even in distances too far we read our stories to each other,
not worrying about the meaning of each letter, each word, and each phrase,
we just felt,
and that was enough for us both most days.

Justified Lovers

look as a friend and not your lover,
you need to know she's not the one
not the one for you at least
if everything is as perfect as you think it is
then why does she cheat
why does she have to guilt you into saying yes again
you should feel it
you should feel the yes in everything you do
every word you've every spoken to her should feel like yes, should taste like yes, and even when times are hard each ache and pain still drips yes and screams yes, stay with me, forever.
Every time you talk to me i shouldnt hear wants, and why
and have to decipher the many letters, that alphabetize your memories, and different versions of you
i want it all not just crumbs of the beauty i feel in your chest, leftovers from the people who devoured your sense of humanity, and trust. I'll even take the bitter,battered,beaten names that people have thrown at you and the dyeing colors of your gray sadness that leaks with each shuffle of your feet.
but see, she didn't see that.
she told me that you were a great guy, and she appreciates you by buying you things
her exact words
if you can buy into that bullshit, that love consists of how many pennies you find under your bed, and that each meeting of lips should slip a payment of goodbehavoir, and
becuase like any store bought item, as soon as you break of your uses, she will buy what she thinks is a  better toy,
but you are not to played with or even treasured because you're not a thing, or a toy
you're the one boy
who kissed me before you knew my name and it was okay

Hang up

No one understood when I told them i gave all the parts of myself to him

I remember the night I called,

He was crying and all he said was you called right on time, I was crying

That night he gave me the first piece of himself, and it was all over the phone

Teardrops on a cheek puzzle piece rested on my bottom lip, holding open my mouth to maybe be able to taste the sweet and salty liquids, I sat there phone attached to my face the only way I could hug him

That same night I gave him the last piece of myself

The piece of me that showed a puzzle, full of shooting stars that ran and burned violently in the sky with hope, rage, anger, and loss fueling it’s escape, yet each mile through a galaxy full of black holes. Places where I was stuck timelessly alone,

At the end of the conversation, he took my puzzle held it in his hands, rubbed the pieces, staring at them as if he had found the one thing that could make or break this world, such amazement, and fear. He kissed me over the phone, letting me swallow the puzzle piece that I ever so discovered,  and tucked it away under my earth, hopefully fossils that would break down into love.

I watched him shove my puzzle pieces in his pocket,

Hang up the phone

And as I closed my eyes tight

he ran away

And never reappeared

Altering Splinters

I already predicted before the story began that I would be left standing alone, with roses in one hand, and my failure in the other.

Little did I know that I was walking through each page, cramming myself in between letters to a story so cliché with no happy ever after’s. That this one didn't end with sunsets, running away, or with love decorating our sentences.

Finales of broken promises, raining colorful papered hopes and dreams, parading in my journey from one struggle to the next, dripping in disappointment every time.

Calluses over calluses partnered with blisters of histories of bruises, of walking the same pages, and cramming into the same words, trying not to lose our pages this time, and fold into a life not lived by these books, but an endlessly altering splinter.

Sharing Paintbrushes

She caressed his face leaving the remnants of her,

drawing on his skin, pastels he would one day appreciate. 

the colors so softly spread to each inch of his body, trying to sink in

yet trapped on the other side of skin, 

he didn't know his paper face was the real art, and her colors only 

like dipping chocolate in chocolate, an overdose of perfection

marble plain, a statue, refusing to be hold, but wanting be held, standing in front of her face

easy to touch but not touching

the only thing separating her creativity upon his canvas was the a grease like contamination

of a filth race..... 

every time he looked at her all he could see were bunched blades to scrape his face, a  disease he could not escape, for it reached his heart before his face

but he could easily seek her in a crowd by her warmth before he seen painted skin

caramel smooth she was, the complexion of her personality, soothing, sliding, rich with each sweet word

yet she would never bear the next kin, no matter how many times where his learned hatred once baked, said please just let her in, to subside the sweating child who lived in a harsh worded cage. 

she stuck to him, honey bathed in her every day, refusing to realize

because of the words implanted at a very young age. 

sick to her stomach she can't stop thinking that there is someone out there for her

that he's just one wall away, between rainbows, love, and family torture. 

she wished for a day he could come out to play and he could just adore her, instead of  

feeling uncomfortable about what he should say, if his family comes around the corner. 

that one day they could just feel, she was a warm glove on cold hands, food to his empty stomach, and his hunger was not lust but love.  

a day when together they could be bi-racial together

apart of each other in every way.

  

The World Is Dancing Away

The world twirls, trying not to fall, always caught in that haze of confusion, 

pushing too hard to perfect it's dancing, 

always working towards the best, 

losing it's true beauty to a universe evolved around shiners,

 too hot to handle,

 vibrant at each angle.

 Leaning towards a false sense of security,

 falling away from reality,

 still dancing in it's insane asylum. 

 instead of using stars and constellations to heal,  

let the world fall,

 to break open those wounds and that are forgotten, 

finding the beauty of mistaken, and broken.

Don't let the world dance away not knowing it's worth,

Would you like an Umbrella?

theres a part of me that commends all of you who are still being bullied today
that unlike me you were true to who you is,
to what you means
all of me has always been consructed to everyone, like the perfect food for any customer
waiting for the people around me to gobble me up, and smile, closing their eyes telling society that he made me perfectly, to a point
meanwhile i was supposed to be full of sweets, soft to squeeze, crumbling at even a slight glance, even though my chef proclaimed i was made for greater things
people put together with chopped up imagination, a pinch of hatred, and a sizzling realization that never burns
still soaking wet from the tears of not knowing who i am,everyone dripping of what they should be, some of us slipping,
acid rains thoughts of suicide, and an insanity of being nice
giving umbrellas of humanity
is the first step to the fight.